On true feelings

I read this post on Papernstitchblog a while ago (yes, it’s a year old – I’m behind the times, OK?).  And it got me thinking about stuff.  About jealousy and feelings one feel guilty about having…especially as a Christian, feeling jealous of someone is just not on.

But…..my question to you today is: when do you know what you’re feeling is what you’re feeling?

Let me set you an example:

A {person I know} announced a while ago on her blog that her items are now available for sale at {a shop}.  

{pictures removed}


Firstly I was very thrilled and glad for her sake, but underneath there was a sharp pang.  

At first I thought I was being slightly jealous and rather mean (oh, the guilt).  

But as I lay in my bed that night trying to find sleep behind my eyelids, I came to the realisation that what I felt was indeed NOT jealousy – that horrid thing that’s even called a monster; no, it was regret.

Regret that I came to so late in my life to realise what I’m capable of.  Regret that I have a deep fear of just going ahead and resigning my job.  Regret that I cannot get into my car and drive around to find shops to carry my stuff.  Regret that I cannot afford to get someone to help me in the house - which would allow me more time for creating.  Regret that I’ve allowed for so long that other people’s idea of ME be enforced on me.

So, when do you know what you think you’re feeling is indeed what you’re feeling?



{Editing note:  I have been asked to remove all references to this person and her business.  Although I don't understand why, I respect her feelings.}

Handmade courage

Today I would like to tell you about all the ideas I have floating around in my head.

The area I live in at the moment is not all that keen on handmade, as I said before.  But I must admit that I have noticed a turn in this.  A very slow, slow turn.  But there none the less.  There seems to be more handmade items available in the gift shops. Albeit imported handmade items.  Well, perhaps they only look handmade.  Nevermind.  I also notice that more vintage-looking items are finding their way into the shops.
So, that being said, I really think that the handmade and vintage movement(s) just maybe maybe might be catching on around here.
Look, Pretoria is nothing like, say, Cape Town, where there is a culture of art and craft.  I'm not talking African mask head craft.  I'm talking sewing, knitting type crafts.  When I was a teenager there was a fabric store on every second corner, a wool-shop on every other and many general craft stores in between.  These have dwindled over the years to basically nothing.  I'm happy to say that the big shop in Pretoria who has been holding a monopoly on craft materials is losing its strangle hold.  This shop - and I will name no names, is the bane of my existence.  Rude, unhelpful and absolutely totally, 100% overpriced.  It's a huge store and I've been going there since I was a girl.  Now I do not set my foot in there.  And I will only go there ever, ever again if it's really a question of HAVE, HAVE, HAVE to.  Anyway, I'm going off at a tangent.
My point is this:  I have to grab a corner of the market.  As in RIGHT NOW.  I need money, but mostly I need time.  I need money.  If I had money I could resign and then I would have time.  But mostly I need money. No. Time. No. Money.
Despite what I was told as a child, I do have talent and now I only need the courage to take a huge leap of faith.  Well, it's taken me forty years to acknowledge the fact that I have talent.  If it takes me another forty to build up the courage...well, erm...I think that just might be slightly too late....
Ugh.  Sometimes I irritate myself.

Cecilia

Crafts and collectables? Not so much

These are pictures I took at the Hatfield Flea Market (Hatfield, Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa).

I received an e-mail from the very nice gentleman who sells stamps and inkpads etc.  to remind me that he’ll be there.  He also mentioned in his e-mail that it’s the monthly “Crafts and collectables” market.  Oo, I thought, maybe I should get a stall there, let me go check it out.  I anyway needed some tiny stamps to put on the sides of my notebooks and my inkpads are getting dry.

So off we went.  This is not a very savoury neighbourhood, so my lovely husband insisted that we take the whole family – safety in numbers.  When we got there I was surprised to find the market had shrunk to half its size in the last few years.  But nevermind – crafts and collectables, here we come!  And what did I find?  Very collectable obscure brand toiletries and really crafty rip-offs of well known brands (where was the police, I wondered – oh, yes, I forgot: getting a cut of the profits!)  The closest thing to anything crafts was the guy with the stamps and a table next to him with collectable broken bone-handle knives with ridiculous prices.  I bought my stamps and inkpads and left.  I think we were there a full half hour, including a trip to the supermarket for fresh milk and a visit to the loo with the little one.  To say I was disappointed is an understatement.

If you’re reading this and live in Pretoria and want to contact the guy with the stamps, he is Mr Ockert Pretorius and his e-mail address is stamp-a-way<at>live.co.za

I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with the people who live in Pretoria.  There are about two craft shops and two fabric shops in the entire area.  Antique stores are closing down at a rapid speed.  In fact, there’s only one left in the Eastern parts of Pretoria.  Either I’m the only one left in the East of Pretoria who loves craft, and old things or the rest are just hiding it very, very well.  Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that crafty things and old things aren’t shiny enough?  Plastic does have a shine, you know!  Well, maybe it’s just me that has lost the plot somewhere....

Cecilia